mandy12052: (isis-osiris)
[personal profile] mandy12052
There is so much drama going on in my life right now I almost wonder why I'm taking some time to write in here. I mean, there is so much other stuff I could be doing. I guess it's just the inherent procrastinator in me. That and the fact that I'm too stressed out about all the stuff I have to get done to actually do any of it. Sure, there's plenty I could be doing right now, but I'm just, well, not doing it.

I have to admit, there's a large portion of my stress do in part to all the David drama, which seems to be neverending. I got into a bad situation the other night that I totally could've prevented and now David is totally pissed at me. I mean, he's talking to me and being nice, but I'm pretty sure it's all on the verge of being over. And I feel like I'm the only one who cares. I'm trying so hard to follow my heart, to do what it tells me, and put effort into staying with David and trying to salvage what's left after my destruction. But it's so hard when no one else will support me in that decision. It seems like no one wants me to be with David. My friends are telling me to move on; my mom says that maybe he's no the one; Randy says I shouldn't date him because of his past and my sister agrees; people at work are telling me not to bother, to just move on because supposedly that's what David is ready for. But it's so hard to just give it up after the time and effort I've already put in. And if he's ready to move on, why doesn't he just say so? Why can't he just be straight with me about how he's feeling about the situation? I mean, I know he's mad at me and it's justified. I know he feels like he can't trust me anymore, feels betrayed. But he sometimes gives me the impression that he could forgive me, eventually. Otherwise, why would we still be together? Is he waiting for me to make the move? Shit, everyone else is. It's so damn frustrating, but I just can't do it. I don't want to live without him. He's pulled me in, and now I love him too much to want to imagine things any other way. I hate that I've ended up in this situation at all. I hate that I've let this happen to myself, when I could have prevented it all and been in some happy-go-lucky place right now. But no, I let myself get into a bad situation and didn't do anything to get out.

Fuck. How is it I manage to get myself into these places all the time?

And all I can think about is this song:
"I Don't Wanna" by Jagged Edge from Hard

I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna

Baby I know it's love because everything fits just right.
And you don't give it up, cause you got hot the very first night.
And I could be the one who could change your life and do it right.
Oh babe, baby just let me, let me prove it to you.
Anything that you might need, hope you realize that i'm right here.
Baby tell me that you won't leave,
Realize that i'm right here

I don't wanna live without you, and I don't wanna love nobody else,
I don't wanna spend another day,
And baby what can I say.

And I don't wanna kiss any other lips, and I don't wanna move not a little bit,
Unless its with you my love...I don't wanna, I don't wanna

Said i'm sitting here as I think of all the time we had,
All those memories, wouldn't trade em for nothing I have, only hope that you could know
All the happiness and joy you bring to me
Cause baby I hope that you know that
You are my everything
Anything that you might need
Hope you realize that i'm right here Baby tell me that you won't leave
Realize i'm right here

I don't wanna live without you, and I don't wanna love nobody else,
I don't wanna spend another day,
And baby what can I say.

You're the only one i'm giving my my love....
Must have been sent from Heaven above
You're the only one i'm giving my my love....
Must have been sent from Heaven above
You're the only one i'm giving my my love....
Must have been sent from Heaven above
You're the only one i'm giving my my love....
Must have been sent from Heaven above

I don't wanna live without you, and I don't wanna love nobody else,
I don't wanna spend another day,
And baby what can I say.
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mandy12052

September 2014

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