...

Feb. 18th, 2014 08:23 pm
mandy12052: (white)
You stare at the screen.
You click through the things.
You watch the TV, even a couple sad movies just to see if that will help the tears come.
You wait for the grief to come, and start to wonder if it ever will.

I've been told that "Maybe it just doesn't feel real yet."
I've been told that the "shock" will pass and things will sink in.
I've been told a lot of sympathetic words, but the tone is shallow from most mouths.

I don't know when it will happen for me, that moment of actualization.
Probably when I see my mother cry as we sort through the remnants of a life now passed, but that won't happen until summertime.

So I continue to focus on living, because that's what she would want.
Yet occasionally there are moments such as this one, where the inclination to reflect comes along.

I'm going to go stare at something else now.
mandy12052: (Default)
The long awaited Florida update.

As seen on WMND! This is Mandy television )

So that was the wonderous vacation. Which I am still appreciative of. I got to see my sister for the first time in a year and a half. Got a break from work and school and stopped hating my job. And met a great guy. Yes, the Carlos guy is still a factor. In fact, when he told me that he would come to visit he was totally serious. He bought plane tickets for April 22nd through the 25th. Impressive, eh? I am both nervous and excited. But more on that later.

For now, I sleep.
mandy12052: (cafe terrace)
Again. But I'll get to that in a minute.

I went and saw Spiderman 2, and I must say I was quite impressed. I continue to find the storyline acceptable for that of a comic book to cinema translation. Definitely recommend it.

I found the past weekend to be more than slightly depressing. Hell, one might even call it pathetic in terms of the small amount of excitement I found myself involved in. But hey, such is life I guess.

Friday )

Saturday )

Sunday )

Mom called me this morning and we talked for a bit. For some reason this got me all worked up and I didn't have the best of days at work. I don't really feel like going into detail, but to say the least, people suck and I ended up leaving work early. Thus, I decided that since I don't have to work tomorrow morning I would come home for a couple days. Spent the evening running errands with Mom, watching movies with Mom and Dad, and finally talking on the phone with my sister for the first time in what seems like weeks. I also finally got a chance to talk to the Chad today and took the initiative to tell him some things I'd really been wanting to. He was stunned, but happy. We'll see where this leads. Naturally, I'll keep you posted.

Well then, I believe that brings us up to date. Mom is going to get me up around 8 tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep or I'll be positively exhausted all day. Besides, my typing skills right now are absolutely horrid.

Catch ya on the flip side.
mandy12052: (pyramid)
I had a really busy weekend visiting my grandparents with my mother for Easter. We went to so many damn parties with their friends and hung so many pictures on the walls in my grandparents' new house that I didn't manage to get any of my damn homework done. Hopefully I'll get enough math homework done tonight that I won't be screwed if TJ decides to collect anything tomorrow. I just have to hope he didn't do that last Thursday since I didn't make it it class (had to do some econ homework, definitely a greater priority since my grade in that class isn't so grand). But yeah, I'd say I'm pretty well on schedule.

Other drama of the weekend: My grandpa only has webTV, which has no web browser. This meant I couldn't get on WebCT to get my homework questions nor enter the answers for microeconomics. They drove me all the way to a library in the next town to use the internet (which included taking time to get a damn library card, so if you want to check out books in Mesa, Arizona, let me know and I'll drive eight hours to get them for you, eh?) but then the WebCT was tweaking out and said I wasn't signed up for any courses. So I start to kind of freak out because my grad is bad enough. I sent my instructor an email, but this probably didn't do me much good since I couldn't check it again until today (much later than the due date for the assignment). Come to find out that she realized that WebCT was having problems and now I have until tomorrow night to get the homework done. HOOO-AH!!! I am so excited/relieved.

Now that I've filled too much space with nonsense....

Here's some more.

There's two girls sitting behind me in the computer lab that are convinced something stinks in our general vicinity. One girl has her shirt covering her nose! Both of them keep sniffing around to try and figure out where the scent is coming from. I am so utterly confused by this behavior. I don't smell anything!!!

Wow, if I've started to pay attention such mundane happenings as this I need to go do my homework or something. And you may all look forward to the completely ridiculous entry I'm sure to post later about what I didn't do over my weekend vacation.

I know, I know. I'm so lame.

Nyar Nyar.

Dec. 24th, 2003 09:44 pm
mandy12052: (isis-osiris)
Something tells me this entry could take forever to actually type down. And the worst part is that my parents are in the other room watching a movie I want to see! It's "Freaky Friday" with Jamie Lee Curtis and it looks really cute. But no, I'm giving in to my addiction. That and the fact that I don't want to go for like a month without making any entries, so if there's the opportunity I'm going to take it.

BTW, in the words of H.B. from work, Merry Christmas ya little jerks! He keeps saying that, but I can't figure out why he's so hooked on it. I know it's a quote from some movie, but I can't remember which. Geez, what is it with me and movie quotes.

Hmm.... There is so much coming to mind right now to type about that I'm at a loss for words. I guess I'll just have to do a day-to-day thing or something. But yeah, can't remember the last time I actually gave a real update.

This could take some space )

So here I am in Farmington. And I've missed at least half of the movie my parents are watching. I guess I could watch it later tonight when I'm the last person left awake or something.

I ought to be wrapping people's presents right now. Of course, they don't have anything for me that's wrapped so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'll just give them the stuff and call it good.

Catch ya on the flip side.
mandy12052: (isis-osiris)
Is exactly what Mom said to me when I woke up this morning (finally) at like 1100. Had I realized I'd slept that long I definitely would have gotten up earlier. Not that it matters too much because I've been in my pajamas ever since.

Anyhoo... the fam (consisting of me, the 'rents, and my bro) ate around 100 today because that was when the turkey was done. Ya see, my parents have this crazy idea about putting the turkey in the oven the night before and letting it cook overnight. Strange, but it works. So yeah, helped make the mashed potatoes and gravy and then we ate. Oh and I got a little non-traditional and baked a spice cake instead of a pie. It was good, and I've eaten way way too much of it already. I think I'll cut myself off from food for the night because I feel like I've been eating nonstop all damn day. I mean, I slept all morning, got up and helped cook, and I've been munching on all sorts of stuff ever since. It has been fabulous, I must say, but now I must stop.

Which is why I've decided to kind of distract myself with the computer. That and the fact that we've been watching movies all day and are now watching the same one I saw last night since my dad has seen most of the rest of them and Hollywood Homicide is the only one left he cares to watch. [Damn, that was a run-on sentence if I ever saw one.]

So here I am. Part of me is tempted to take initiative and take a shower and go outside or something, but the truth is I feel way too damn lazy for that right now. And it is already 900pm. So why bother?

Well then. Nothing else here I really feel like dwelling on so ta-ta for now!

Yay!!!

Oct. 14th, 2003 03:14 pm
mandy12052: (Default)
So Sarah will be here in less than seven hours and I am getting more excited by the minute. I have to go back to work at four (I'm on break right now) but I wish I didn't have to. It was totally dead this morning and I walked with like $22. Part of me wants it to be busier tonight so that time goes by faster, but I'm worried if that happens I won't get off with enough time to go pick up Sarah at the airport. I don't want her to have to wait for me. And I doubt Christine will be able to go get her either. And I can't expect her to do that for me anyway. But yeah.

David called me several times on Monday. It was grand. Then I was supposed to call him when I got out of class at 700. I did, but he didn't call me again until this morning when I was driving to work. I don't really understand how/why he works with regard to calling people, but at the same time I still wasn't annoyed by it. I guess it's just because of how he's so sweet when he does call. And I have such a good feeling about this guy (really nice feeling aura) that I just can't bring myself to feel that way even if I want to or think I should. So it's all good. I'm supposed to call him when I get off work tonight, but who knows what will happen there.

Hmm... need to get myself put back together so that I can go to work now.

By the next time I get a chance to write anything in here, Sarah will be with me. YAY!!!
mandy12052: (Default)
Hmm... I'm kind of tired right now, and yet not. I think I'm just a little lethargic since it's warmer today than it has been for about a week. Stupid weather being random. Drives me nuts. I mean, I don't mind if the weather changes, just as long as it's consistent in doing so. But yeah... that's a bunch of randomness.

In other news, I keep seeing Russ everywhere and he's being all nice to me. So yeah, I guess the drama there is finally over, thank god. Now we can be friends. I know I said I didn't care that much before, but yeah, I do want to be friends with the guy if the potential for it exists.

I'm supposed to go to dinner with Christine at the OG tonight so that we can say hi to David. I'm excited and yet nervous. And I know I'm being ridiculous about it considering how trivial the whole situation is, but yeah. Sometimes one just feels inclined to return to the immaturities of youth.

I was late to my English class today because I was trying to finish everything for a speech in PS only for us to run out of time and to not get to go. So now I have until Wednesday to find more information and improve my speech, but I probably won't get around to it.

Sarah will be here in 5 days!!!! YAY!!! I'm still worried about the stupid people at work scheduling me though. But yeah, got to be positive. It's the power of positive thought you know.

Hmm... time is so precious, if only there were more of it. Of course, then it wouldn't be such a valuable commodity. Sometimes I wish I were immortal so that I could accomplish all that I wish and not have to be concerned with the limitations of aging. And yet, I am intrigued by death in such a way that I am thankful for what I am and what I have.
mandy12052: (devin)
God. Why does Farmington have to be so boring? I finally have a night off and have nothing to do still. Of course, that wouldn't be a problem if Eric had come by hastings like he said he would. He was going to get my number so that he could call me tonight and we could hang out. But obviously since he didn't show we're not doing anything. Maybe I'll go hang out with Brit. I'd call Leslie but Laurie said she changed her number so now I don't have it. I have Laurie's but she's at work. Mir.

Damnit. My mom needs to get home so that we can all eat dinner together. I'm so freakin hungry right now and I want to just go in there and eat some spaghetti, but I have to wait. It might insult her or something. But hey, at least I finally emptied the dishwasher like she asked me to. Now I won't have to deal with her constant nagging about it for a couple days. She acts like I should be doing a bunch of chores again or something. Hell, I do my stuff, what's the problem? OH well.

Okay, I'm too distracted right now to do this.
mandy12052: (Default)
She's always on me about something. It's to the point it's like she wants me to just repeat everything she did when she was in college or something. She wants me to go right through. She wants me within two hours of home. She wants me to get scholarships for everything. She wants me to say goodbye when I leave the house because it's rude otherwise (of course, it doesn't matter that I've lived in places for the past year where I didn't have to say anything to anybody. I just "need to learn to be the other way" WTF!?!?) She's so annoying. It's like she wants me to act the way I did when I was 15 or something. Amber, if we thought my mom was different from yours in that respect, we were very VERY wrong. So yeah, this and the fact that I don't make any money have me really stressed out.

Hopefully things will be different in a couple weeks though. I'm going to California for two weeks to visit my friend Alice. It's going to be a blast!!! She lives within 2 hours of everything worthwhile to see there. There's Knott's Berry Farm, there's SeaWorld, there's Disneyland... Oh yeah, and the BEACH!!! I just need to buy myself some of that neutrogena tanning stuff so that I don't blind everyone when I walk out onto the sand in shorts or a bathing suit or whatever. At least there's something for me to look forward to. Of course, this means I won't make it up to the Springs to visit anyone in July or be able to go to Vegas with Devin, but I didn't think I'd go with him anyway.

Oh yeah. My mom told me if I couldn't learn to say goodbye when I left that I should find another place to live. So I'm going to start looking for roommates or something. Or maybe I'll move in with Sarah Walker after all. She kind of annoys me, but I work so much anyway it won't be a problem. Oh, and I can leave my stuff there and not have to pay rent while I'm away at school too, so that'd be nice. I just don't know whether I'd be able to stand her voice or not, ya know?

So yeah and stuff. This is what is happening in my life. Practically nothing. I have two jobs, and hopefully I'll make lots of money this summer and it won't suck. My sister is far away. My Mom and I are at each other's throats and my dad is not the least bit involved. Oh yeah, and I never get to see my friends because every time I try to call them, they're not home. Stupid fucking Farmington.
mandy12052: (Default)
And I'm not the slightest bit surprised. I've been bored as hell for two weeks now, but I've decided to just deal with it. Of course, the fact that I finally have job commitments taking up time helps a lot. On the other hand, people here are really cheap when it comes to tipping and that pisses me off. Geez man, do these people not realize that I only make $2.13 an hour!?!?! So yeah, other than cheap bastards, the job is all right. Especially considering I'm starting to get the hang of things now. That always helps.

Umm... Devin was here for a couple days earlier this week and that was a lot of fun. We mostly just hung out and went cruising with Ashley Montano, but it was still fun. It was reminiscent of things in C/S, so I was kind of sad too, but there's not much I can do about that.

My mom told me the other day that she wants me to try saving half of the money I make. Don't know about that. I'm going to try since it's what I was planning to do anyway, but I think it might fail.

My sister is leaving in 12 days and me being the slacker that I am I still haven't asked for the day off so that I can help take her to the airport. I'm such a slacker, I know. I've also got to ask for that time off in July, but I'm still a little skeptical about what days I want to take. AMBER. Help me out here. I know the concert is the 21st, but what days around that?

Anyway... Chad is unreliable as usual. I told him he had to start being the one to call me because I was sick of always calling him. Needless to say it's been over a week since we talked about that and he still hasn't called. Me, being the easily manipulated person that I am, have tried to call him about 3 times. I'm so weak.

Hmm... I miss the city. I miss my friends there, and believe it or not, I actually miss the traffic too. The worst that it ever gets in farmington is like C/S on a Sunday morning at 10 am when everyone is in church. Seriously.

Oh yeah. I finally ran into Laurie McGough yesterday at work and got her number. She and Les have an apartment now. I have to call them so that I can go see it and hang out over there and stuff. Thank goodness I finally ran into someone I actually want to see! Of course, I don't know when I'll get time to do this between work and trying to hang out with my sister and Chris Newlin (he's so awesome!) and all that jazz.

Anyway... time to get ready for work! Yay for money!
mandy12052: (Default)
So... to state the obvious: Farmington is boring.

We've gone to Romero's to party the last two nights, and it hasn't been exciting in the slightest. That is, except for Andrea's cousins. They're fun. But hey, I'm superficial about guys like that. I can't help it, but I'm trying to eliminate the habit.

Sarah is here now. She's staying with us until she goes to Florida, which will be the 17th or 18th of June. I've gotten myself into buying her plane ticket. Not sure what I think of the idea anymore, but she needs to go (and get out of this hell hole while she has a chance) so I need to make some money so that I can make a payment on the credit card and thus be able to use it to buy the plane ticket. Either that or get another credit card and use it. I'm just worried by the time I apply for the damn thing and get it the rates for tickets will be outrageous. One can only hope.

Oh! I saw Nigel last night and we talked for a while. It was fun! He says he wants to go to UCCS for pre-med and become a dermatologist. That would be cool. I'm at present time trying to apply to UNM. Not fun... online apps are a pain in the ass, but the only way to go if I want to make the deadline in 2 weeks. Oh yeah, and they're a lot easier to edit.

Speaking of school, Mom and I talked a little bit about student loans. Sarah says interest rates are the lowest they've been in history. Definitely going to look into the idea. Of course, that also means that Mom and Dad have to file their taxes so that I can actually fill out a FAFSA. Apparently they haven't done them in 2 years (and I thought I was the only one who hadn't done that). Damn government forms. I can't even figure out the 1040EZ!!! Oh well, I'll just enlist Ashley Buser (she works for H&R Block every spring) and maybe she'll know something I don't.

Bah... I feel like I have so much stuff to do, but I don't know where to start.
mandy12052: (Default)
So... the weather is horrible here. It's been over 90 during the day since I got here and I think I might just melt away in the heat. It makes me all reminiscent about the Springs too. Yes, that edge of the mountains place where the breezes are actually cool and where it doesn't get over 80 yet. Damn Damn DAMN!!!

Okay. I'm better now.

Hmm... still not a lot happening around here. My mom is on me about saving money for college instead of doing things like tinting the windows on my car so that it's not a furnace or even fixing the driver's side window that's broken from the fuckers who broke into my car last October. What ever happened to parents paying for college? I swear, it's like my mom had decided to be completely dependent on the idea that I was in the upper 10% of my graduating class and that I would have tons of scholarships coming my way. Ya know, I did get the WUE scholarship when I was up there and saved about $8000 last year in tuition. And I lived outside the dorms and paid my own rent--saving even more money. And then I moved back to this place (to deal with all their shit) to save them even more on tuition. But nothing is good enough. Mom claims that she's just freaking out because this is the month when Dad's paychecks aren't that big (between semesters at SJC), but she's been this way for like 3 months now so I know she's full of it. Well, you know what? I'll spend my money on whatever the fuck I want to and if that means I can't afford to pay for college then I won't fucking go. GRRR....

Sorry... I think I'm just really tense because of my grandpa being here and pissing me off. Two more days, just two more days and he'll be gone. THANK GOD.

In other news, I might go to a party tonight with Brit and his friends. I can't decide whether to be incredibly nice to his girlfriend (what's her name? Anna or something?) or whether to be a total bitch. It'll probably end up being the latter just because they all think they've got this veil pulled over my eyes about the idea. Well... just wait and see. I'm really spiteful sometimes aren't I?

My sister is moving to Florida in mid June. Not happy about that. Randy (her boyfriend) got a job in Daytona Beach and she's going with him. I'm happy for her since she really needs a chance to get out of Farmington, but I'm kind of annoyed too since one of the really big reasons I moved back here was to be with her and all that. Oh well... He's going to work for an airline so I'll be able to go visit easily I think. I hope things work out for them. By the way, anyone looking to buy a sports car?? Hahaha.

I think at the end of June I'll go to California and visit my friend Alice for like a week. That ought to be fun. At least it'll get my mind off of how much Farmington is boring and how there is a huge lack of decent looking WHITE guys around. It's not that I'm prejudiced or anything, but all the Navajos have histories of alcoholism in their families and all the Mexicans are ghetto. Well, most of them anyway. The only decent looking ones are taken, but even they're wannabe gangsters.

Will someone please tell me why it was such a good idea to move back here?
mandy12052: (Default)
Sucks!!!!!!! My grandpa is still here even though he was supposed to leave before I even got here. He wanted to see me or some shit like that. I really hate the guy. Then the other day he tried to tell me that I should tell him where I'm going and all that jazz "because he's interested." Yeah right. I don't even have to tell my parents where I'm going, why the fuck should I tell his bitch ass. That really pissed me off if you haven't figured it out yet.

Hmm... I start training for Red Lobster on Wednesday. Thank god! I'm so bored not having anything to do. It's worse that I can't just hang around the house because my grandpa is constantly here. I think working at Red Lobster will be fun though, and my Olive Garden manager told them I was like "5 star server" or something. Which is good. Always good to get a nice review from the head honcho, ya know?

Well then... going to Riverfest with my mom now. I doubt it'll be that fun and I'll probably get sunburned from my acne medication making me sun-sensitive, but hey, grandpa's not going so I'm not going to complain. And sunburns are also the only way I seem to get remnants of a tan, and that's always a good thing. My legs are SO WHITE when I wear the flood pants too.

Hum de dum... I'll add to this later... I have lots of other interesting things to mention.

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mandy12052

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